Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Alcoholic - Jow Bates

He fell deeper into his drink, ever the romantic. Casting chary glances through the amber prism of his glass towards the would-be soul mate that had just sat down. His tired, red eyes cried out for her, he'd never felt so far away from someone so close to him. 

Rubbing stale cigarette smoke from the weary creases of his languished face, Darren rose. He staggered, lopsidedly as his addled body limped away from him, his walk unfolding itself across the room like a broken concertina. 

Darren found himself outside, rain drumming down on him from the ebony blanket of clouds above. His hands a mess of spent cigarette and rain dappled papers, head pressed hard into the wall of the pub. He stared openly at her through the warm, lustrous inebrium of the tavern window. 
"I love you." He mouthed to the young girl.
The window steamed up as he did so, his words gamboling inefficaciously off the glass. Darren slid down the wall, his slumped body exhaling a symphony of melancholic afterthought. 

The rain woke him again, confused and alone. Splintered shadows casting playful penumbra over unfamiliar surroundings. Darren felt sick, this was the first time he'd been this close to her, she was beautiful.

Ever the romantic.

Alcoholic - Fargo

Mary
Your killing yourself Albert.

SAID MARY THE DOG

Albert
Woof…woo….wooof! Excuse my belch, but who the fuck do you think you are telling me I’m killing myself.

REPLIED ALBERT THE DOG.

Mary
I’m your concerned girlfriend, we have been together for ages, at the beginning of the week, when we first met, you were fine, we went on long walks around the park pissed up trees together, but when Wednesday hit I found you in this state.

Albert
In what state (growl) may that be?

Mary
In a dark ally in the middle of the night with your head stuck in a barrel of ale.

Albert
I have no idea what your talking about, I’m just enjoying a well deserved beverage is all. Woof woof!

Mary
This is the third night running Albert, your killing yourself don’t you see that.

Albert
Leave me alone, I want some me time, I haven’t been on a walk by myself for days, I can’t remember what it feels like to be single, your always behind me sniffing my arse. Maybe in the past I enjoyed the tickle of your long nose around the rim of my anus, but not anymore. Ask yourself this Mary, is it your fault I have hit the bottle. Its no coincidence that you have been crowding me asking for puppies never leaving my side that I choose now to find something to relieve the stress and pressure that you have given me!

Mary
(Howl) How dare you blame me for this, you have said some hurtful things these last few days but this certainly takes the doggy treat! You promised me puppies on Monday there was no pressure from my end at all!

Albert
I would of said anything at the start to get you into my basket!

Mary
Be careful Albert I will walk away, I will go and never come back!

Albert
I don’t care, I can lick my own penis! I don’t need you!

Mary
Dam you, I want to help you, I don’t want to see you take your own life!

Albert
I won’t, if you leave me I will stop, woof! I just need to find who I am again!
Mary
It’s gone too far now its been four days, you need professional help. I can take you now to see Howard, I have informed him of the situation.

Albert
Howard, (growl) I’m not offloading any of my problems to a cat. I’m no pussy! 

Mary
No you’re an Alsatian , a man who up until a few days ago would of done anything for anyone, and enjoyed the smaller things like long walks, big pieces of meat, and quickie in a bush. But now look at you, stuck in a dark ally the bad end of town with his face full of ale and stinking of piss. This isn’t you and you know that, and I know that more then anyone.

ALBERT SITS AND HOWLS AND THINKS DEEPLY OF THE WORDS JUST SPOKEN TO HIM OF WHOM HE ONCE THOUGHT WAS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

Albert
I’m so sorry Mary. I will come to see Howard, do you forgive me.

Mary
I’m not gonna lie, its gonna take time, but I love you Albert, if you stay of the booze then I’m all yours again.

Albert
Oh Mary, wooooof woof!! I love you, take me to Howard but first…..

ALBERT LOOKS AT MARY THEN POINTS WITH HIS NOSE THE AREA OF HIS PENIS AND SMIILES AT MARY.

Mary
Oh Albert your lipstick is out.

Albert
Lick it Mary, lick my lipstick ,and then my balls.

Mary
You naughty dog! Ruff Ruff!!! 

MARY DOES THIS MUCH TO THE PLEASURE OF ALBERT. THEN THEY START WALKING.

Albert
Tomorrow we try for puppies. 

Mary
Albert I love you. Let make it the day after you have to prove to me your off the booze first!

Albert
Of course Mary, anything for you. But just one thing, please don’t tell any of my gang that I was saved by a pussy called Howard!

Mary
You have my word! Woof woof!

TWO WEEKS LATER:
A PREGNANT MARY WAKS UP A DARK ALLY TO FIND A DRUNK ALBERT.

Mary
What the woofing fucking is going on here?

THE LADY AND THE DRUNK!

Alcoholic - Scott French

Hey, thats not me maaaan.

fin

Alcoholic - Beau

It started out as a way to be accepted
I guess I had a confidence issue, but didn't address it
I was fine until puberty hit, then things changed
Peers surpassed me physically while I stayed the same

I was used to being the best, but then I changed schools
My lack of self confidence was likely the fuel
Going from amazing to average probably fed the flame
Going from 200 students to 2,000 made me feel plain

So I decided I'd stand out in the easiest way
By drinking before class every single day
And exaggerate the extent of my inebriation
Not realising my alcoholism was becoming nascent

Now, 11 years later, I can't wake up without being sick
I need a drink to not puke; miserable, isn't it?
If you think you have a drinking problem, sort it before you're fucked 
And I can fix my problem, but it starts with me waking up