"Ow this is hurting me" Adam complained.
"How" asked Niamh
"I think your pussy's too tight" Adam responded
The third world war had just started. Not World War 3, but just the third war being waged in the world at one time. Everyone is fucking screwed. Literally. With word's.
Adam rolled off and reached for a packet of cigarettes on the bedside table, knocking over his lovers funky looking lampshade in the process and making a crashing sound as it hit the hard laminate floor he mumbled apologies through a cigarette hanging the wrong way out of his mouth. Niamh reached for her lovers t shirt from the floor with her foot protruding out form under the flowery print duvet. putting it on, she stood up and turned the light on revealing her newly decorated bedroom. after 2 days of rolling paint, she decided she wasn't too fond on apple green.
"Do you have a lighter" Adam asked.
"Yes, next to the crack pipe"
"Since when have you been doing crack?"
"Since the same time as i've been needing a lighter." Niamh faded out as she closed the bathroom door behind her as adam continued his hunt for a lighter. Finding one, he reclined back on the bed triumphantly, like a lion after the kill, pleased with his first conquest, and now enjoying the benefits of his second.
Coming back into the room with a mischievious look in her eye, Niamh jumped onto her man not noticing the cigarette. punching him square in the balls, Adam exhales unexpectedly causing a painful burning sensation in his throat.
"You should give up, it makes you smelly" Niamh said matter of factly.
"A winner never quits and a quitter never wins." came the reply.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Catnip - Dogmatix
Dogmatix - Catnip (Fuck you)
“Nepeta cataria is mostly used as a recreational substance for pet cats' enjoyment”
- Wikipedia
A recreational substance for pet cats? I wonder if they can develop a habit, or is it purely psychological?
Is it moral to give cats recreational drugs?
Does it work on Lions?
(Editorial note: Don’t Google “Does catnip work on lions?” when you have 45 minutes to write a piece, as though the articles you find are interesting, you end up waisting the first 20 minutes of your writing time... and yes it does work on lions, also on tigers, leopards, cheetahs etc)
A couple of years ago, Friend A planted some baggies of catnip in Friend B’s house. He put 2 or 3 baggies in some fairly conspicuous places and the following day the father of Friend B found the baggies, a week long comic situation followed, with friend B’s father worrying about his sons recreational drug habit. It was definitely a “Catnip Fuck You!” moment between friend’s A & B, pretty funny though.
“Nepeta cataria is mostly used as a recreational substance for pet cats' enjoyment”
- Wikipedia
A recreational substance for pet cats? I wonder if they can develop a habit, or is it purely psychological?
Is it moral to give cats recreational drugs?
Does it work on Lions?
(Editorial note: Don’t Google “Does catnip work on lions?” when you have 45 minutes to write a piece, as though the articles you find are interesting, you end up waisting the first 20 minutes of your writing time... and yes it does work on lions, also on tigers, leopards, cheetahs etc)
A couple of years ago, Friend A planted some baggies of catnip in Friend B’s house. He put 2 or 3 baggies in some fairly conspicuous places and the following day the father of Friend B found the baggies, a week long comic situation followed, with friend B’s father worrying about his sons recreational drug habit. It was definitely a “Catnip Fuck You!” moment between friend’s A & B, pretty funny though.
Bag On The Sofa
Nepeta Cataria
A Catnip Fuck You
Catnip - Richard Charles
The terrace drew and embraced the mid-day sun, but was cool with the breeze. The view was stunning. I cast an eye over over the lake, and watched the men bathing, women washing and children playing. Their squalor was evident, but their happiness was enviable. The methodic drone of drilling resumed not far away, and I scanned around, capturing the scenes of everyday life, absorbing the warmth of the people I watched.
I saw the children running back to her, on time as always, and wondered where they’d earned last hour’s pay. How they earnt it was obvious, their hands and forearms were streaked with shoe polish which they instantly set about washing off in the ditch that trickled next to the road, behind their ragged tarpaulin shack. I could see their mum’s smile that they were home safe but pain in her eyes with how little they had made. She sent the smallest one off down the road, and upon her return a few moments later they sat around the plate of rice dhal and ghee. They were living as the poorest of the poor, the mother spot-ridden, unable to move as her arms had seemingly long ago given up supporting her whole body weight. I can only guess how she lost her legs. Yet this women’s love and kindness for all around almost glowed from her. I saw her take the small bundle that her daughter just brought back from the shop, and chuck some catnip at each of the strays that were sprawled around the family. She and I both knew the family would be hungry when they went to sleep tonight, yet she still felt compelled to care for the cats around her. She looked up and caught my eye, as I sipped on my Lassi, and the guilt in me must’ve been apparent. Yet she flashed those teeth with the purest smile I’ve ever seen; at that moment I stopped liking Karla and started to love her.
I saw the children running back to her, on time as always, and wondered where they’d earned last hour’s pay. How they earnt it was obvious, their hands and forearms were streaked with shoe polish which they instantly set about washing off in the ditch that trickled next to the road, behind their ragged tarpaulin shack. I could see their mum’s smile that they were home safe but pain in her eyes with how little they had made. She sent the smallest one off down the road, and upon her return a few moments later they sat around the plate of rice dhal and ghee. They were living as the poorest of the poor, the mother spot-ridden, unable to move as her arms had seemingly long ago given up supporting her whole body weight. I can only guess how she lost her legs. Yet this women’s love and kindness for all around almost glowed from her. I saw her take the small bundle that her daughter just brought back from the shop, and chuck some catnip at each of the strays that were sprawled around the family. She and I both knew the family would be hungry when they went to sleep tonight, yet she still felt compelled to care for the cats around her. She looked up and caught my eye, as I sipped on my Lassi, and the guilt in me must’ve been apparent. Yet she flashed those teeth with the purest smile I’ve ever seen; at that moment I stopped liking Karla and started to love her.
Catnip - Jow Bates
Solidly dispensed emerald fauna
"Dave, you can't eat catnip." Declared Ryan.
"Of course you can, it's a mint." Countered Dave
Mint.
This cat's behaving peculiarly
Blud, you got any of that 'catnip'?
Keep it down man.
This was getting out of hand, the place was a fucking mess, the living room was full of strangers and all of them were off their heads.
"What am I supposed to do?"
An unfamiliar face was pressed up against the window, looking inwards and miming "I'll come round the back", this was too much.
Don't look down, you'll lose your mind.
THIS CATNIP IS FUCKING INTENSE
"I'm sick of all these fucking racists!" Shouted Tinsley, knocking over a stack of CD's as he threw himself onto the sofa.
"They're just ignorant man, don't worry about it." Responded Ralph.
The two of them sat for a while in silence before the surmounting tension broke and Tinsley started up again.
"Who the fuck do they think they are? Who the fuck do the think I am?"
"I don't know mate."
"They treat me like a fucking spastic."
Ralph decided not to reply and quiet briefly descended over the pair once again. Tinsley sighed as the silence slowly diffused his mood.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"Nah, thanks. Did you tidy up?"
"Yeah a little bit. Did you want something else?"
"You got any mint?"
Catnip - Beau
When I was younger, I used to do drugs
It was my recreation
But sometimes I couldn't get people to buy
Me booze at the petrol station
So I turned to weed, which was easy to find
It made shitty programs seem funny
The only slight problem with smoking herb, though
Is that to get it, you need some money
So one day I realised I had no more cash
The situation was dramatic
Until a friend recommended to me
To smoke a bowl of catnip
I was skeptical, as most would be
And there's a good reason for this
That shit didn't work; that friend was a jerk
I think he was taking the piss
It was my recreation
But sometimes I couldn't get people to buy
Me booze at the petrol station
So I turned to weed, which was easy to find
It made shitty programs seem funny
The only slight problem with smoking herb, though
Is that to get it, you need some money
So one day I realised I had no more cash
The situation was dramatic
Until a friend recommended to me
To smoke a bowl of catnip
I was skeptical, as most would be
And there's a good reason for this
That shit didn't work; that friend was a jerk
I think he was taking the piss
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