Late - Pumpkin Sheepshanks

Rushing so much it was a struggle to stay on his feet, Steve made it to the venue with 5 minutes to spare. He registered, and got told to wait until he was called as the promoters were waiting for more people and performers to arrive. Halfway through his cigarette he was called from outside and said he was on. He thought it odd that there were no other smokers, comedians normally chainsmoke before going on but he hadn't seen anyone. It was strangely quiet as he went to the stage wing. The promoter was now the Stage manager, and counted down with his hands and signalled for Steve to take the stage.
Walking out to the house brights turned to maximum Steve heard a solitary clap. Tough crowd.
"Hi, Hello, Well" Said steve, trying to get a feel for the room as his vision failed with the intense spotlight. He continued "How are we tonight?" Nothing. not a motion. or a whisper. "Guess you all must be tired from a long days work." This was a personal joke, this was a non descript town in north England, Steve was sure none of them worked. "I lost my job... I know where I left it... In the past... they told me my timekeeping is atrocious, I said 'I know, I keep giving it all to you..." Nothing. What happened to the solitary clap guy? With his vision returning he made out a row of empty chairs, empty space, and a cleaner in the background. 
"What the..." Steve couldn't even finish his sentance.
"Open mic night was last night bruv, but thanks for mildly entertaining me and the cleaner" said the promoter.
"You not funny" shouted the cleaner from afar.

Late - Jow Bates

21:42

He should have been here a while ago now. Passing traffic blurred into constant streams of red and yellow light, partially luminating the otherwise dark street. The sky had been threatening to rain all night and though still dry, the evening had a weighted feel about it, teetering on the edge of the climactic, truth be told it was a little disconcerting. 

As minutes faded through hours into an indefinite span of waiting Jono stood, back resting against the dirtied wall of the long closed video shop, checking his mobile for nothing in particular.

!WHEREAREYOUMATE::

Jono fell back into the wall losing all grip on his physical presence, matter embracing his being.

?!WHERETHEFUCK%!

He fell apart, exploding into disassembly like a party popper of bosonic streamers.

:21:21:21:

42becauseitwasntsupposedtobethiseasyyouwerenttheretostopmefallingthroughmeaningimstucknowwaitingforyouwaitingformebetweentimeicanfeeltheglitterofunambiguousquarksfillingtheether

21:56

I'LLBETHEREINAMINUTE?

Jono checked through the messages on his phone, looking for a sign that he was in the right place.

22:06

Late - Beau

I went on the Jeremy Kyle show
My baby mama showed up
She used more diplomacy than I did
So I was told to "Grow up."

But hold up;
I take precautionary measures with this stuff
I play rough, 
But I always caught my jizz in a latex cup

I had my doubts
When she told me she was "late"
I was justified in my allegations because of text messages from my mates

So I came onto the stage and seperated the chairs
Never would have happened if I'd pushed her down the stairs

Late - Scott French

BRB


Fin

Late - Tom Swarman

why are you alway late, i have been waiting here since 9, you left me here in the ouring rain with no coat, why did you call me to say you were on the drag i ould have gone else where but no!!!!

why dont you get your self a watch that works or set the time on your phone for fucksake,

so what are we gonna do its to late to hitup the cinema and they have already called last orders in the pub

what, no i dont wanna go to yours,

its to lae for that

look why are we still up its to late i need some sleep