Unintentional Enthusiasm - D'oh

Martin lived alone in a house outside of the East coast on Redbay, named after the odd colour the coastline changes to during sunset. He was at a fragile age where he couldn’t travel as much as he’d like so when he got news of his niece coming to visit, he was very excited. He didn’t get many visitors, in fact, he’d stopped going into the local town since his vehicle stopped working. It was too far to trek on his own, as it would take at least a day for him to make the journey and at his age, he would never make it.

Amber, his niece knocked on his door. It had been 20 years since he last met her, and she was only 9 months old at the time. He answered the door with the type of enthusiasm found amongst the young at Christmas time.
“Coming m’dear!” As he scrambled to get work the door handle
He opened the door to find a young lady with a bright brimming smile staring back at him.
“Uncle Martin!” She cried as she held out her arms for an embrace. Martin invited her in, amazed at how much she’d grown. They both had tea and biscuits and Amber told him of all the news of her family. At one point she left to retrieve something from her car, it was an album with pictures of the whole family.

Martin was thoroughly delighted. Amber stayed until the late evening and watched the coastline turn to an eerie shade of pinky-red. She thought it beautiful, but disturbing at the same time as it was reminiscent of a bloody sea. Martin was having a lovely day and was dreading the moment where she would have to leave. And sure enough, as the sun dipped down past the horizon, and darkness fell across a crashing sea, she thought it time to leave.
“It is dark and late, why don’t you stay the night and you can head out first thing in the morning” Martin pleaded with Amber.
“No, I’ve stayed longer than I was supposed to…my flight leaves tomorrow morning, so I should really head back” Replied Amber. Martin felt defeated. He offered to walk her to her car. Like a true gentleman, he opened the car door for her and wished her a safe journey with a peck to her forehead.

Amber turned the key to the ignition on her car…the car started up, but then stopped abruptly. She looked to it puzzled then tried again. The same thing happened the next 5 times she tried it.
“The battery must be dead, I don’t understand” Amber panicked. “My flight leaves tomorrow, I can’t be left stranded here” Her breaths became quicker and more hysterical as she considered the prospect of being stranded there.

All the while, Martin remained silent. He didn’t want to let on that he was absolutely delighted by the turn of events.

Unintentional Enthusiasm - Dogmatix

I think by definition enthusiasm is unintentional, I won’t look it up, because that would somehow seem to defeat the purpose of this piece. The idea of intentional enthusiasm, to me at least is fake, insincere. It evokes images of red coat wearing Butlin’s employees singing cliched songs, or the perma-smiling air hostesses you see on trans-Atlantic flights. I tolerate it professionally, but I’d be uncomfortable with it in most environments.

My pessimistic friends often label me an optimist, conversely my optimistic friends do the opposite. I would consider myself a realist... I mean, I do consider myself a realist, but then doesn’t everybody else? Is the glass half empty? Does it matter? What’s in this glass anyway? What do my pessimistic friends think? Do they think they’re pessimists? Who gives a shit about a glass anyway, Live at the Apollo is on BBC1?

But I digress.

I shouldn’t be looking at the definition of Enthusiasm, but rather the definition of ‘Unintentional Enthusiasm’. If I were to have coined the phrase, I think I would apply it to situations where enthusiasm is not expected or the person experiencing the enthusiasm had consciously planned not to experience it.

I often find myself in this situation.

And this is how far I’ve gotten in 43 minutes. I mean I haven’t yet filled a page, on a project I am enthusiastic about. Would I convey more enthusiasm if I double spaced and upped the font size a couple? I doubt it.

American History X taught me I should always finish an essay with a quote. I wouldn’t consider this finished, but fuck it, a quote will flesh this “effort” out a little more.


“A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is a higher than himself and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires”

Marcus Aurelius

Unintentional Enthusiasm - Scott French

Woops, I'm well up for this.

Unintentional Enthusiasm - Fargo

INT: A DARK BAR, TWO UNHAPPY LOOKING 30 SOMETHING MEN SITTING ON LARGE STALLS, ONE SIPPING A BRANDY ONE GULPING A LAGER.
BOTH MEN LOOK TROUBLED, ONE DEPRESSED AS IF HE HAS NOTHING TO LOOSE, THE OTHER ANGRY LIKE HE COULD BURST INTO FLAMES.
THE MAN WITH BRANDY LOOKING LIKE HE HAS NOTHING TO LOOSE GOES BY THE NAME OF SMITHY, NO ONE KNOWS WHY BECAUSE HIS NAME IS BRIAN, BRIAN MOTIONS THE BARTENDER OVER. THE BARTENDER, LOOKING VERY DISGRUNTLED BY HAVING TO DO THIS MAKES SURE IT TAKES LONGER THEN NECESSARY .

BARTENDER
Yeah?

SMITHY
Fill me up, (Looks at the man sitting next to him) would u like another looks like you need it?

THE OTHER MAN DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING BUT SMITHY JUST WINKS AT THE BARTENDER IN A WAY THAT SUGGESTS JUST TO GET THEN MAN ANOTHER LAGER. THE BARTENDER THEN POURS THE BRANDY AND THEN THE LAGER. SMITHY MOVES TWO STALL NEARER TO THE OTHER MAN TAKING HIS BRANDY AND THE LAGER WITH HIM.

SMITHY
Can I ask your name friend? (Passes drink over)

JAKE
It’s Jake and I don’t want a stupid meaningless conversation, but the lager I like so thanks, but please friend, I need to think. (sips the lager)

SMITHY
Well what u gotta think about?

JAKE
That’s none of your concern

SMITHY
Well if its any consolation my wife left me for another man, which I have just found out is my best, no ex best friend, and to top that I punched my boss in the face and got sacked.

JAKE
(Frowns)
Why did u punch ur boss?

SMITHY
He’s my ex best friend and the new lover of my soon to be ex wife and he was telling me that if my numbers don’t improve we will have to have a “serious talk”, he didn’t know I knew until I smacked him.

JAKE
Jesus that is a bad day, man.

SMITHY
(Sips Brandy)
Soooo, whats wrong with you?

JAKE
I can’t tell u that. Just gotta think that’s all, look I'm sorry about whats happened with you, and thanks for the beer but I gotta lot to sort out.

SMITHY
Tell me my friend, look whatever it is I can help, I have nothing to loose, I have nowhere to go, so really I need to do something, and if it means helping an unhappy stranger im here for you buddy.

JAKE
Ok, I do need help but its serious and its complex and I'm gonna need u to understand that it happened for a really good reason, just come outside and take a look.

THEY BOTH GET UP AND WALK OUTSIDE AND DOWN A DARK ALLY TO WHERE JAKE'S CAR IS PARKED, ITS GENTLY RAINING, SMITHY LOOKS A LITTLE CONCERNED BUT STAYS ANYWAY. JAKE PULLS HIS KEYS FROM HIS TROUSER AND OPENS THE BOOT, AND TO THE SHOCK OF SMITHY HE SEE’S A DEAD BODY.

SMITHY
Oh my god

JAKE
Let me explain this cock sucker was fucking my wife and then attacked me there was a car chase then he stopped….

SMITHY
(Jumps in)
That my and my ex best friend and ex boss who was fucking….

JAKE
(Jumps in with a smile)
Your soon to be ex wife

SMITHY
(Smiles)
What a happy accident. Don’t get me wrong I think murder is at times uncalled for but I have to say on this occasion its right on the money,so what u need help with.

JAKE
Help me dispose of the body.

SMITHY
You got it pal.

THEY DRIVE OFF INTO THE DARK.
EXT: OUTSIDE IN WOODLAND THEY ARE DIGGING THE GRAVE, AFTER A WHILE AND A COUPLE OF TIME OUTS THEY FINISH AND THROW THE BODY IN THE GRAVE. AFTER THEY FILL THE GRAVE UP THE GET INTO JAKE'S CAR.

JAKE
Thanks pal

SMITHY
No thank you Jake I cant tell you how much pleasure that gave me.

JAKE
Can I buy you another brandy?

SMITHY
My friend thank you I would love one, and also that bar we were at has a karaoke machine, we could have a sing song

FADE TO BLACK
INT: BACK AT THE BAR JAKE AND SMITHY ARE ON A STAGE IN FRONT OF AN EMPTY BAR APART FROM THE BARTENDER AND A WHORE SINGING STAGGER LEE BY NICK CAVE

Unintentional Enthusiasm - Jow Bates

A little bit early. He wasn't entirely used to this hour, he'd had jobs before that required it, yes, but this was different, this was unnecessary and of his own free will. As the early morning sunlight cut through his water-stained window and brushed past the thick, yet ineffective curtains, gamboling of his dark oily coffee, James considered that this was after all, his fault.
Having chosen to wake up at 5am was a bewildering move for his parents, who were used to seeing him stagger out of his bedroom at anywhere between 4-5pm every day since he'd finished college, which was growing in excess of 3 years now. During this time James had amassed a total of one job, 3 years ago, which lasted for approximately 2 weeks. Since then, not a lot, in fact nothing. His sleep pattern wheeled away from him, cycling through a variety of sociable hours, he would consider himself nocturnal until his waking period pit-stopped ante meridiem, purely through chance. Even a broken body clock tells the right time twice a month.
James dragged his unwilling body around the house, coffee in hand. Slumping down in the living room he took note of the dull electronic whir that signalled the arrival of milk. Part of him felt he had become a new man, this signalled the start of an actual, grown-up life, he'd get a job, move out, go travelling, the world was his. The other part of him felt sick, either the 3 hours of sleep or the 5 teaspoons of cheap, instant coffee was at fault, James blamed the sun and the world.

HE KNOCKS A THIRD TIME

"Mum?"
James wasn't absolutely sure what time his parents normally got up, it was a Monday so, 06:00 for work? That sounded normal.
"Mum?" He repeated.
No answer still, maybe get some toast in before he had to leave. Crumbs bespeckled the kitchen counters and plates needed washing, there was one staling end piece of a loaf of Hovis laying in the bread bin. People ought to go shopping, considered James, maybe he could grab some groceries on the way back, part of his 'new leaf' persona, his parents deserved that sort of behaviour. Stale bread was probably fine to toast, so into the toaster it went and James slumped back down onto the sofa.
"Mum!" He shouted again.

He couldn't quite remember which charity this walk was for, but James definitely remembered feeling strongly about it at the time. He'd certainly felt strongly enough about it to sign up, round up some sponsors and wake up at 5am. It was gloomy, that sort of early morning light was in effect, the kind that still looks as thought it's struggling to break through curtains, even when there are none. He turned on the lights, but to no effect. The coffee was beginning to kick in now though, had the milk van left the street yet?

IT'S GETTING LATE

James bounced over to the toaster to retrieve his now partially burnt, stale bread, he didn't mind. Smearing the last of the Lurpak over it, he paced around the room excitedly. He began half-tidying things, putting magazines away, taking cups through to the kitchen. Things were definitely looking up, he'd probably get online tomorrow, start looking through some job sites, he fancied working now, it would make a nice change. Having something to do definitely seemed more appealing than it did yesterday. James was practically dancing around the living room now, becoming a one-man torrent of semi-helpful activity.
"Mum?" He called, yet again, knocking on the door some more.

YOUR TOAST IS READY

As the toaster went for seemingly a second time, James became suspicious. The humming of the milk van was still present, so James wandered over to the window to check. It was pitch black outside, something that James had not anticipated.

TIME TO GET UP

James blinked back the sunlight and reached for his coffee, it was freezing.
"It's late James." His Mum remarked.