Easter Special; Zombies - Moses Wallace

And it was at this very moment Jesus rose from the dead, but he didnt look all to enlitened, he was limping and making a strange 'URGHHHHH' sound. Not a sound produced from the tongue more of a humming sound from the pharynx.
"Oh my son, you truelly are the son of God" Mary proclaimed with joy as she saw her reborn seed. "URGHHHHHH" Jesus said as if a sign of recognition to his beloved Mother, while rapidly reaching his destination......
Mary half ran to embrace the saviour Jesus Christ, but as she did so he clenched more tightly then then first imagined. So tight her respiratory system struggled to draw breathe from the oxygen abundent atomsphere. 
"What areeeee youuu..." a whisper of the start of a sentence came out Mary tried to concieve what was happening and why her only son would not let go, perhaps just a very strong sign of affection a thought pranced in her oxygen deprived brain. 
A few seconds after the initial embrace, with one swift shift in weight and muscle drive the zombie Christ had his brunch in sight. Mary half concious could only dialate her pupils in response to this most perlexing and brutal act, while the original holy man of the dead munched on her fractured skull; face like a granny smiths apple. 
Unbenown to the freshly suppered corpse the three roman guards who were on sentry duty at his grave had lept into action. Thrusting, jabbing and swinging at Jesus's back with no avail..... as now not only did they have the undead son of god but now he was PISSED OFF. A well timed spear attack hit directly where a normal mans heart would be, no such injury seemed to occur.
"In the name of God what is this obomanation??" the lunging spearman hoarsley shouted. "Haha I know this isnt the time but...really? In the name of God?? Don't think thats gonna help us" chuckled the second gaurd while swinging at the advancing zombie. while fear was very much evident in his eyes. "Get your arse here romus" they both screamed at the third guard who was in a ball on the floor trying to pray while gibberish came out.
BAM, the first strike hit the romans kneck with such force it rederred him unoperatable while he hunched down on the cold hard slabs of stone. The praying gaurd ran to the everpressing Jesus's feet. Which needless to say done nothing to stop the quick decapitation of the god fearing man. "please, what do you want? I'm sorry im sorry" the remaining man in armour sobbed, while glancing at the headless bosy and the other dying man.
"so much blood, so much blood" were the last words he uttered before his jugular was ripped out by jesus's teeth.

"huhmmmh, EXCUSE ME SIR!! I dont think that is how jesus's ressurrection happened!" infront of the very naustious looking sunday school of children, some of whom crying. "perpas your right, perhaps your right" said the one time sunday school teacher, who dropped out of school ealier that year.
"NOW, I must ask you to leave Mr!!!!" the reverrands mousy looking wife proclaimed with a might which wasnt evident with her frame.
"okayokay, but before I go...one thing I must say." Troy said while walking to the door and turing his head mid sentence.
"which is?" she retorted.
" Jesus was still a zombie" he laughed.