Self Help - Pumpkin Sheepshanks

I stood there a bit awkwardly for her to acknowledge me. i didn't have all day and I wasn't sure if it was worthy of manners, so eventually i burst out with: "Hello, i was looking for a book." How many times had that sentenced been used as an opener within these four walls of Waterstones i wondered. she looked up from the screen that had taken all her attention and smiled.
"any particular one" she responded in that polite sales assistant way that communicated they think your a prick.
"The game, by Neil Strauss". as i said it i noticed my voice break a little bit towards the end as i picked up on recognition in her face.
"Yep, that's in the self help section, ill show you." she said in a way that made me feel like i gave her the right answer. she didn't even look on the system for it, she was well acquainted with the book. since the words left my lips her face and demeanor changed from hard and cold to soft and inviting. i could deal with the hard and cold, they were well worked perimeters for me. But when i sensed a switch from animosity to interest i fear for making a wrong move and make no move at all. this is what happened when the sales assistant started walking towards the self help section and i was frozen at the customer enquiry desk.
I watched as the sales assistant walked the length of the shop, turn around and look suprised. i wondered whether she thought i was behind her the whole time and had been talking to me, even though she was at the opposite end of the store i could still recognise the confused look on her face when she discovered i was still where she left me. she looked over towards me, pointed towards the aisle and began to walk back. i could sense by her face we were back to animosity by the time she got back to the customer service point so i thanked her for her time, and scuttled towards the self help section.
A semi dyslexic shoplifter was shoving self help books under his jumper. i soon saw the book i wanted. it took a prominent position amongst the display that made it seem out of place. a novel with a cartoon picture cover amongst books such as "Fun with Fungus, apothecarian techniques for 21st century" and "how to stop smoking". I ignored these and flicked through an nlp book that i decided to get another day and began walking towards the pretty girl at the till with the book she seemed to know about. the was a look of hope and expectation. she scanned the book and smiled. "anything else" she enquired eagerly. in my mind i was fucking her, and for fear of her being a mind reader i simply shook my head and paid for my goods and left.
When i got outside i told myself to cut down on the dope, its making me paranoid as people cant mind read. An old man walked past and looked me straight in the eye and planted in my head the thought "yes we can mind read you little schnook". he smiled and walked off. I carried on my walk towards work, confused by what it all meant. everything seemed to piece together so perfectly, like when you have a conversation with someone with music playing in the background and when you have a moments silence the lyrics of the background music seem to fit the context of your conversation perfectly, yet words are just a series of sounds which we each attribute our own meanings to. Surely there's a purer form of communication.
I carried these thoughts and my new book with me to work. I stood outside and socialised with the smokers and engaged in slow euthanasia. "Whats in the bag Pumpkin?" asked a friend. i try to only keep friends with intelligent people so presumed they knew it was a book inside the Waterstones bag. When I went in to buy the book i saw it as a journalistic piece on picking up women. i was embarrassed it was in the self help section, i didn't need help just some inspiration. now amongst coworkers some of which i would like to learn to pick up, my initial take on what i was holding didn't seem appropriate.
"a self help book" i responded.
"oh" some one said.