Self Help - D'oh

Andy
“I met some‘un today”

Therapist
“Real, or imaginary?”

Andy
Andy pauses for a moment and decides to ignore the question “His name is Jack, I met’m at school”

Therapist
“What’s he look like Andy?”

Andy
“He is real funny look’n. Has a face like a pumpkin, like one ‘em Halloween lanterns. With these long sheep-shank legs. Kids at school make funna ‘im, call him Pumpkin Sheepshanks”

Therapist
The therapist lets out a long disappointed sigh

Andy
“He doesn’t have many friends. Bit like me I ‘spose. That’s why I like him.” He waits for some sort of reaction from his therapist, but she is busy scribbling something down on her note pad. Andy lowers his voice to no more than a whisper “Jack and I have a plan”

Therapist
“Oh? What kind of plan?”

Andy
“We’re gonna build sum’n… he’s found this thing on the internet”

Therapist
“What thing?”

Andy
“Well, um, it’s kind of like instructions…to make a pipe bomb.”

Therapist
“ANDY!”

Andy
“It was all his idea! I swear it. He said that they were all gonna pay, for making funna me and callin’ him Pumpkin Sheepshanks. And all those girls that just laughed at him when he tried to talk to ‘em… they were all gonna pay.”

Therapist
“Andy, have you been taking your medication?”

Andy
“Aye, I have. Everyday like you says”

Therapist
“You must tell me the truth now, otherwise all this work, all these sessions have been all for nothing… Now Andy, is Jack a real person?”

Andy
Andy lowers back into his bed, eyes down full of shame “No, no he’s not… I made him up”

Therapist
“Why would you do that Andy?”

Andy
“I wanted a friend, someone who can help me”

Therapist
“But aren’t I helping you?”

Andy
Andy can hear someone coming up the stairs “Of course you are, you’re helping me loads”

Therapist
“You’re a good boy Andy”

Andy’s Mother
Andy’s Mother pops her head into Andy’s room “Hey honey, I thought I heard voices, who’re you talking to?” She surveys the empty room.

Andy
“No one mother, just myself”