Alcoholic - Fargo

Mary
Your killing yourself Albert.

SAID MARY THE DOG

Albert
Woof…woo….wooof! Excuse my belch, but who the fuck do you think you are telling me I’m killing myself.

REPLIED ALBERT THE DOG.

Mary
I’m your concerned girlfriend, we have been together for ages, at the beginning of the week, when we first met, you were fine, we went on long walks around the park pissed up trees together, but when Wednesday hit I found you in this state.

Albert
In what state (growl) may that be?

Mary
In a dark ally in the middle of the night with your head stuck in a barrel of ale.

Albert
I have no idea what your talking about, I’m just enjoying a well deserved beverage is all. Woof woof!

Mary
This is the third night running Albert, your killing yourself don’t you see that.

Albert
Leave me alone, I want some me time, I haven’t been on a walk by myself for days, I can’t remember what it feels like to be single, your always behind me sniffing my arse. Maybe in the past I enjoyed the tickle of your long nose around the rim of my anus, but not anymore. Ask yourself this Mary, is it your fault I have hit the bottle. Its no coincidence that you have been crowding me asking for puppies never leaving my side that I choose now to find something to relieve the stress and pressure that you have given me!

Mary
(Howl) How dare you blame me for this, you have said some hurtful things these last few days but this certainly takes the doggy treat! You promised me puppies on Monday there was no pressure from my end at all!

Albert
I would of said anything at the start to get you into my basket!

Mary
Be careful Albert I will walk away, I will go and never come back!

Albert
I don’t care, I can lick my own penis! I don’t need you!

Mary
Dam you, I want to help you, I don’t want to see you take your own life!

Albert
I won’t, if you leave me I will stop, woof! I just need to find who I am again!
Mary
It’s gone too far now its been four days, you need professional help. I can take you now to see Howard, I have informed him of the situation.

Albert
Howard, (growl) I’m not offloading any of my problems to a cat. I’m no pussy! 

Mary
No you’re an Alsatian , a man who up until a few days ago would of done anything for anyone, and enjoyed the smaller things like long walks, big pieces of meat, and quickie in a bush. But now look at you, stuck in a dark ally the bad end of town with his face full of ale and stinking of piss. This isn’t you and you know that, and I know that more then anyone.

ALBERT SITS AND HOWLS AND THINKS DEEPLY OF THE WORDS JUST SPOKEN TO HIM OF WHOM HE ONCE THOUGHT WAS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

Albert
I’m so sorry Mary. I will come to see Howard, do you forgive me.

Mary
I’m not gonna lie, its gonna take time, but I love you Albert, if you stay of the booze then I’m all yours again.

Albert
Oh Mary, wooooof woof!! I love you, take me to Howard but first…..

ALBERT LOOKS AT MARY THEN POINTS WITH HIS NOSE THE AREA OF HIS PENIS AND SMIILES AT MARY.

Mary
Oh Albert your lipstick is out.

Albert
Lick it Mary, lick my lipstick ,and then my balls.

Mary
You naughty dog! Ruff Ruff!!! 

MARY DOES THIS MUCH TO THE PLEASURE OF ALBERT. THEN THEY START WALKING.

Albert
Tomorrow we try for puppies. 

Mary
Albert I love you. Let make it the day after you have to prove to me your off the booze first!

Albert
Of course Mary, anything for you. But just one thing, please don’t tell any of my gang that I was saved by a pussy called Howard!

Mary
You have my word! Woof woof!

TWO WEEKS LATER:
A PREGNANT MARY WAKS UP A DARK ALLY TO FIND A DRUNK ALBERT.

Mary
What the woofing fucking is going on here?

THE LADY AND THE DRUNK!