Flashback - Beau

I just had a flashback, which would make this story "Quick Non-Fiction".

There was a 100% chance of snow that day, so I grabbed my umbrella, dressed warm, and headed out the front door early to enjoy the day. I had a mental list of all the places I would be going; first on the list was the grocery store for DXM. (Dextromethorphan Hydrobromide is plentiful in the United States, and it packs a punch, especially if you drink alcohol or smoke weed on it) But on my way to the store, I noticed a large brown lump sitting in the gutter on the side of the road. Upon closer inspection, I realised I had stumbled upon a beaver. Now, I might have seen beavers in zoos when I was a child, but here I was, face to face with one! It was obvious it had recently died, however it was also apparent it had died of natural causes and had not been hit by a car.

I looked down at the still-warm mammal, poked it with a stick, and cursed the fact that I had decided to leave my digital camera at home. But it would have been disastrous to bring it with me, as a blizzard was on its way. For a split second, I contemplated bringing the entire corpse home with me, but decided that the 4 mile walk with it might prove to be too much for me. I touched the beaver's tail to see what it felt like, opened my umbrella, and headed towards the mall as the snow began to fall.

I got high from the DXM. And when I say that, I mean I got REALLY high from it. I had a few beers in my pocket, so I drank a few and got even higher. The day turned out to be eventful and interesting, as most people from Atlanta only see snow about once every year. The mood of everyone that day had changed drastically because of the frozen precipitation. After a long day of being a reprobate, I decided to head home, but the thought of that beaver stuck with me. "Why didn't I bring my camera?", I asked myself as I trudged to the house. "No one will ever believe this story on Facebook without proof.", I muttered. About a week later, I decided to go out again. I walked past the same point and let me tell you, I was surprised to see the beaver sitting in the exact same spot. The corpse was well preserved because of the coldness and recent snow. But, shit! I had left my camera at home AGAIN! Had I expected the beaver to still be there, I would have definitely brought it with me this time.

But I had a plan.

Upon leaving the grocery store, I asked for several grocery bags; I was going to bring this mammal home with me, take some pictures, then leave him to decompose in my back yard and save the skull after the bones were bleached.

Did you know that full grown beavers are heavier than you might think?

I picked up the animal by its tail, and loaded him head-first into the triple wrapped grocery bags.

Did you also know that beavers are larger than you might think?

Imagine my despair when half of the beaver was flopped over the side of the bags; the bags weren't big enough, and the beaver had to have weighed at least 30 pounds. No joke. But I decided to stick to my plan. So there I am, walking down the street, carrying a grocery bag with the bottom half of an animal hanging over the side of it. As cars passed me and stared, I realised that perhaps carrying a bag that OBVIOUSLY had some dead animal hanging out of it might not be such a good idea. From everyone else's perspective, I could have been carrying a dead dog or cat that I had slaughtered for all they knew, and for some reason, people don't take kindly to that. Just ask Mary Bale. I had also been drinking that day, and would have been jailed if a police officer had been called to check out the situation. (Gotta love America, right?)

The moral of the story - Bring a camera with you everywhere you go. Beavers are fucking heavy.