Lego Horses - Fargo

INT: TWO TODDLERS SITTING IN A PLAY PEN, THEY BOTH HAVE A BOX OF LEGO EACH. TODDLER NUMBER ONE IS CALLED JIMMY THE OTHER IS THOMAS, THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A FEW MINUTES. IT’S A BRIGHT DAY OUTSIDE, WITH THE SUN BEAMING DOWN INTO THE LIVING ROOM IN WHICH THEY SIT, STILL GLARING AT EACH OTHER WITH GREAT INTENSITY, THEN WITH NO HESITATION THEY EMPTY THEIR LEGO BOXES, THEY THEN BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER A WRY SMIRK APPEARS ON BOTH THEIR FACES. AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE, WITHOUT ANY WARNING THEY BOTH BUILD THEIR LEGO HORSES.

THOMAS
Interesting, (contemplating the situation) very interesting. Jimmy we both have appeared to have created the horse.

JIMMY
It is indeed the case Thomas, (still smirking much like Simon Cowell does as he belittles the general public's sheer stupidity) what do u suggest?

THOMAS
I say we take this outside.

JIMMY
Are u thinking of a race of some kind?

THOMAS
You read my mind Thomas, I think a race would settle this?

JIMMY
(Looking confused)
Settle what?

THOMAS
(Confused also)
Erm……who had the better Lego, no, who has the better horse thingy thing.

JIMMY
Sounds good, but do you care to make this interesting?

THOMAS
Sounds intriguing, let me hear this proposition.

JIMMY
Who ever wins, gets to keep, yes keep as in forever the Kermit the Frog.

THEN THE KERMIT THE FROG STUFFED TOY COMES INTO SHOT, THEN THE SHOT GOES FROM THOMAS TO JIMMY THEN THOMAS TO JIMMY AGAIN BOTH LOOKING AS IF THE WHOLE WORLD HANGS IN THE BALANCE THEN THEY RELAX LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN WHICH TIME THEIR EYES HALF SHUT AS IF THEY REALLY MEAN IT.

THOMAS
Ok, it’s a deal.

THEY SPIT IN THEIR OWN HANDS THEN SHAKE.
THEY ESCAPE FROM THE PLAY PEN, AND OUTSIDE INTO WHAT STARTS OFF AS A USUAL SUBBURBAN GARDEN INTO THE WILD WEST WITH NOTHING BUT SANDY DESERTS AND CACTUS TREES, AND MOUNTAINS IN THE DISTANCE. THOMAS AND JIMMY ARE DRESSED LIKE COWBOYS WITH STETSONS ON THEIR HEADS AND PLASITC GUNS IN THEIR HOLSTERS WITH THE ORANGE TIPS. BUT THE LEGO HORSES REAMAIN EXACTLY HOW THEY ARE JIMMY CREATES A STARTING LINE WITH HIS FOREFINGER. HE LOOKS AT THOMAS FOR ACCEPTANCE. THOMAS NODD’S THAT THIS IS ACCEPTABLE TO HIM. BY THE SIDE OF THE START-LINE IS THE KERMIT THE FROG STUFFED TOY ON PLINTH WAITING FOR THEIR NEW OWNER.

JIMMY
So how many laps are u thinking?

THOMAS
(Sweating from his brow with the weight of the world on his shoulders)
Four laps

JIMMY
(Also beginning to perspire)
Four laps is a lot, but me and my horse can make it, we are gonna open a can of whoop ass on u bitch.

THOMAS
Oh you are are you, well myself and my horsey ain’t know each other long, but in the time we have, we have built up this bond, and this telepathic energy, we have got what it takes, (pulls out a match and puts it in his mouth and proceeds to chew) Kermit is ours and ours to take.

JIMMY
(Looking anxious pulls out his dummy from the top pocket of his shirt)
Enough of this small talk let the action commence.

THEN THE ACTION MAN APPEARS WITH A GUN READY TO SHOOT FOR THE START OF THE RACE. THOMAS AND JIMMY GET INTO THEIR POSITIONS. ACTION MAN LOOKS AT THEM BOTH, THEY BOTH NOD, AND THEN FIRED HIS GUN.
THEY BOTH SHOOT OFF AT A FAST PACE, THEY ARE LEVEL MOST OF THE FIRST LAP, THOMAS TAKES OVER HALFWAY THROUGH THE SECOND LAP AND INTO THE THIRD, THEN JIMMY WHIPS HIS LEGO HORSE COUNTLESS TIMES AND BEFORE THE THIRD LAP FINISHES OVERTAKES JIMMY.
JIMMY ALMOST BREATHLESS LOOKS LIKE HE CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE, THOMAS NOTICES THIS SIGN OF WEAKNESS AND WITH SOME HARSH THUDDING ON HIS LEGO HORSE OVERTAKES JIMMY AT THE MOST CRUCIAL MOMENT IN THE FOURTH LAP AND GALLOPS OVER THE FINISH LINE. THERE ARE SOUND OF APPLAUSE WUITE WHERE THERE COMING FROM IS UNKNOWN TO THIS DAY.
THOMAS LOOK REALLY HAPPY WITH HIMSELF PATS HIS LEGO HORSE. JIMMY PULLS UP BESIDE HIM LOOKING MORE THEN UPSET.

JIMMY
(Through gritted teeth)
Well played my friend it was a tough battle out there.

THOMAS
(Looking overly chuffed)
Indeed it was, I have always heard that’s its best to be dignified in situations like this but fuck it.

THOMAS RAISES HIS MIDDLE FINGER, THEN JIMMY CRIES. BARBIE THEN APPEARS AS IF FROM NOWHERE AND PRESENTS THOMAS WITH KERMIT THE FROG. MORE APPLAUSE. THEN A VERY BAD SMELL ARISES WHICH MAKES BARBIE RUN OFF CRYING ASKING FOR KEN, AND ACTION MAN TAKE HIS OWN LIFE WITH A SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN. AFTER THE EXPLOSION OF ACTIONS HEAD, JIMMY NOTICES THE CULPRIT OF THE SMELL, ITS COMING FROM THOMAS’ ANUS. LAUGHING WITH GREAT PLEASURE AND SMUGNESS HE SHOUTS:

JIMMY
You shat yourself you fat ass.

JIMMY IS IN A FIT OF LAUGHTER WHILE THOMAS IS CRYING AT AN VERY HIGH VOLUME. THEN THE WILD WEST SCENE DISSOLVES AND THOMAS MUM APPEARS IN THE SUBURBAN GARDEN PICKING THOMAS UP.

THOMAS MUM
Come on lets change this dirty botty.

THOMAS CRYING AND LOOK BASHFUL DROPS KERMIT THE FROG AND JIMMY TOTS OVER STILL ON HIS LEGO HORSE LOOKING PLEASED WITH HIMSELF PICKS KERMIT UP AND RAISES HIM HIGH IN THE AIR AND TROTS OFF ON HIS LEGO HORSE BACK IN THE WILD WEST SUNSET PICKING UP BARBIE ALONG THE WAY.