Coffee Cup - Dogmatix

Stephen didn’t do coffee. Stephen had never done coffee. Stephen did tea and occasionally hot chocolate, but Stephen did not do coffee. Alan knew Stephen didn’t do coffee. Alan knew Stephen had never done Coffee. Alan knew Stephen did tea and occasionally hot chocolate, but Alan knew Stephen did not do coffee.
It was for this very reason that Alan bought Stephen a coffee cup. Nothing extravagant just a simple white ceramic mug with Stephen’s Coffee Cup printed in comic sans around the circumference.

Now you or I may think this a trivial gesture with perhaps a few interpretations for meaning, but Stephen knew why Alan had bought him a coffee cup. Perhaps more importantly Alan knew that Stephen knew why Alan had bought him a coffee cup, and Alan had known prior to the purchase that Stephen would know why he had been bought a coffee cup... but that was the point.

Stephen didn’t do coffee, so Stephen could not use the coffee cup. Stephen did tea and
occasionally hot chocolate, and had the mug been printed with the words Stephen’s Tea
and Occasional Hot Chocolate Cup around the circumference there would not have been a problem, unfortunately for Stephen those words were not printed around the circumference, and Stephen was left the owner of a redundant cup.

Again, you or I may think this a trivial issue, and perhaps you would consider pointing out to Stephen, that regardless of the words printed clearly in Comic Sans around the circumference, that in no other way did this cup differ from the other cups & mugs Stephen would use to drink tea and occasionally hot chocolate.
Should you point this out to Stephen, then Stephen would tell you he knew us much, he would then explain to you, at great length, why it was not right to use a cup clearly labelled as a coffee cup for any other purpose. Perhaps after this explanation you would agree with him.

Stephen liked explaining. Stephen did not like Alan.

Alan didn’t do coffee. Alan used to do coffee, Alan did tea and occasionally hot chocolate, but Alan did not do coffee.

Alan liked Coffee. Alan did not like Stephen.

Coffee Cup
 

Beep-beep Eight Thirty 

Kettle, Milk, Late for the bus 

Good bye coffee cup